Nerves

Last night I arrived home from a late night working and looked online to "track" my package. (It should be here by this week...YIKES!) My package contains all of my documents which are returning to me that I had sent in to apply for my visa to Nigeria. Now, this is the 4th time that I am applying (maybe I am pushing it and should just give in to what may be Gods will...that I don't ever get to return to Nigeria.) I am so incredibly nervous. More nervous than I have felt in years! I keep dreaming about Nigeria (not that I don't already dream of Nigeria since I went there the first time,) and my dreams are extremely confusing. I am a dreamer...usually some part of my dream will come true or will be telling of something...but when I am dreaming both that I am denied (for reasons so ludicrous that it would make you laugh such as because I can't handle bugs or the climate,) as well as dreaming that I do end up going. GOD...what is suppose to happen? If I get my visa this time what does that mean? If I don't, should I stop trying and give up on the desire in my heart to travel back to Nigeria...to Africa? Of course there are people I desperately would love to see...but it is Nigeria that I long for as well. I reminisce about the smells, the sounds, the sights. Africa is a beauty, it calls me, it is under my skin and I can't stop thinking about it. What do I do with this...me a westerner who can't seem to understand why she has such a strong desire (and had one ever since she was a little girl) to be in Africa?

God only knows the future. We can only wait, pray, and continue on our path no matter what the outcome is. I just have to remember to keep my faith aligned with God's will. This is the most important thing that I have to always remind myself of.