Time blurb

Wow, time is beginning to really fly by and I realize that is what makes me sad. I want this time in my life to slow down, I don't feel like I am getting older, but I am, I want the world to be on pause for just a bit so I can get all I need to get together (IF...that is ever possible) but I feel that everywhere I look, everyone I see...I see time just rushing by and all I want to do is grab it and hold it and slow it down. I look at my nieces and nephews and want to just stop time, I don't want them to grow up so fast...maybe because it makes me feel really old, but also because I miss them as little kids sometimes. I don't see my friends or the other "grown ups" around me growing old, but I feel it sometimes when I see how quickly time is passing...and especially when I feel like I still don't have all the answers....I think I just always have more questions.

I have been through some pretty rough patches in my life...things that I won't even share with anyone until I reveal them later in life in my memoirs, but for now, those are the things that have made me more resilient, or possibly just more numb...but then I still know how to cry, and to laugh and so I think maybe I am just more resilient...depends on the day really. But at the end of the day, I have to always try to thank God for his blessings because there are many things I should be grateful for and in these times, I want to try to be the best I can be and let all the little things go (as easy as it sounds its always very difficult still) 

I have always feared one thing most of all, and that was to lose the people I loved most in my life. So what do you do when you have to lose? What do others do when they lose? I have lost people not perhaps through death and therefore I should be thankful, but I have lost people in my life that I have loved and put my trust into and my heart into their hands. I have lost friends and lovers and sometimes as time changes and people change, I feel like I have lost family too. I want to stop losing, and sometimes the solution that comes to my mind is to stop loving so deeply...is that even possible for me? unfortunately not...so here I come back to the time issue...and where time goes by so fast, it goes slowly when you miss people in your life...and too fast when you want it to slow down.

Time...what a concept, I don't really know what I have been blabbing about, I just know that I wish time was more on my side sometimes...that good things would come to me faster, and that bad things would heal faster and that time would slow down so I can keep up and not grow too old and feel I have accomplished nothing...

Time...