Time blurb

Wow, time is beginning to really fly by and I realize that is what makes me sad. I want this time in my life to slow down, I don't feel like I am getting older, but I am, I want the world to be on pause for just a bit so I can get all I need to get together (IF...that is ever possible) but I feel that everywhere I look, everyone I see...I see time just rushing by and all I want to do is grab it and hold it and slow it down. I look at my nieces and nephews and want to just stop time, I don't want them to grow up so fast...maybe because it makes me feel really old, but also because I miss them as little kids sometimes. I don't see my friends or the other "grown ups" around me growing old, but I feel it sometimes when I see how quickly time is passing...and especially when I feel like I still don't have all the answers....I think I just always have more questions.

I have been through some pretty rough patches in my life...things that I won't even share with anyone until I reveal them later in life in my memoirs, but for now, those are the things that have made me more resilient, or possibly just more numb...but then I still know how to cry, and to laugh and so I think maybe I am just more resilient...depends on the day really. But at the end of the day, I have to always try to thank God for his blessings because there are many things I should be grateful for and in these times, I want to try to be the best I can be and let all the little things go (as easy as it sounds its always very difficult still) 

I have always feared one thing most of all, and that was to lose the people I loved most in my life. So what do you do when you have to lose? What do others do when they lose? I have lost people not perhaps through death and therefore I should be thankful, but I have lost people in my life that I have loved and put my trust into and my heart into their hands. I have lost friends and lovers and sometimes as time changes and people change, I feel like I have lost family too. I want to stop losing, and sometimes the solution that comes to my mind is to stop loving so deeply...is that even possible for me? unfortunately not...so here I come back to the time issue...and where time goes by so fast, it goes slowly when you miss people in your life...and too fast when you want it to slow down.

Time...what a concept, I don't really know what I have been blabbing about, I just know that I wish time was more on my side sometimes...that good things would come to me faster, and that bad things would heal faster and that time would slow down so I can keep up and not grow too old and feel I have accomplished nothing...

Time...

THE NEW ME

Again...I have been a slacker...well not really a slacker in other areas of my life, but blogging. I have been quite busy in the last few months and I think most of it was that I was more mentally busy than physically busy (if that makes any sense at all).

There have been a few changes in my life and though like anyone faced with changes, I feel nervous, excited, overwhelmed, terrified, unsure, happy and so on. I will no longer be

teaching...instead I am going to follow in the footsteps of my father...and his family and be an entrepreneur. I thought for a long time that I wasn't cut out to have my own business or do

all that good stuff...but the more life goes on and the older I get, I realize that I have to follow my passion and my heart and start my own photography business. So that is exactly what I am going to do come January 2010...its a new year...a BIG year and I can only hope and pray that I will be blessed in my new adventures.

I am scared...and want to run away from this crazy idea sometimes, but I have decided that I should start listening to those around me who believe in me and who have been pushing me to do my photography for a long time. If no one has ever told me I suck at photography...and instead tells me I am very talented...I should be fine right?! (hopefully!! hehe)

So hopefully these next few months I will be able to get on my feet. I know it will be a scary and tough process as it is new and different and just starting, but I am confident that I am really supposed to do this...and God has told me recently "OK Rachel...you have put this off long enough...time to really use your gifts!" so I better listen right?! RIGHT!!!

My sister in-law Missy sent me a marvelous quote when I was worrying about this whole idea of starting my own business...and I am using this as my encouragement and motivation...

Marianne Williamson quote:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unco

nsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

so come 2010...a new and updated version of Rachel will be coming soon...RAQUELLE

PHOTOGRAPHY...the new me!

JULY-OCTOBER...a quick catch up

Ok..ok so it has been a while since I have blogged...precisely just over 4 months...WHOOPS...doesn't seem like anyone noticed. So in this entry I am going to give a few updates in my life and i guess life in general around me...month by month.

JULY- Everything on the home front here in Nigeria was fine...busy but fine. i was trying to get all the "end of the school year" stuff finished and in place. A lot of changes were ahead though for the new school year. One of the school branches closed down and was moved to its permanent site of KETU. So July was left unsure of how things would come in September...but I wasn't too worried. Just a lot of drifting and waiting until things came together more clearly during this month. 

Sad news from home came on the night of July 23rd. A close family friend to ALL of my siblings, especially my brothers, had been killed by a driver assumed under the influence of alcohol. He had been in his van with his cousin and she only had minor injuries. He was killed on July 22nd late at night, just returning home from a movie with his cousin and my oldest brother Chris, (who was in his own vehicle and further ahead and didn't witness the accident or hear of it until a few hours later). Though my relationship with this friend, Alex Schaap, was not a close one...he was someone i really admired. He had a gentle soul and caring and giving nature. He was witty, clever and funny. He really was one of a kind and it still seems to hit me hard some days. The pain of his death was felt and is still felt in my community back home..especially for my brothers who saw Alex as their closest friend. Being so far away from home has made this difficult to come to grips with as it doesn't seem like a reality. I wish I could sometimes be closer to home to be there for my family in these times to cry with them and talk with them and just sit with them...but alas, I have chosen a life here...and that means the distance will always be there.

AUGUST- August came and so did my plans and excitement for my trip to Cairo, Egypt to see my cousin Clinton and his wife Tara. I have now seen two African countries...but in a way, Egypt seemed more middle eastern than it did African. It was a wonderful trip and I just wish I had more time...but just under 2 weeks was still a good time! I was able to see the Pyramids of Giza and climb a little ways up one of the pyramids. I even went into one to see a tomb inside, a very hot, dank and claustrophobic experience that only ever needs to be done once...but still a good thing to experience. I was able to go to different areas of Cairo, see a variety of things...a sunset sail on the Nile River and a sheesha  smoke at TGIFridays restaurant. I was surprised at how "Americanized" Cairo was as I saw many restaurants/food chains such as Starbucks, Second Cup, McDonalds, KFC, Pizza Hut, Cinnabon etc. I actually had stomach issues when reverting to eating "Americanized" food, and found that eating a sweet cinnamon bun from Cinnabon caused a great deal of trips to the bathroom for me....guess I am no longer used to those kinds of foods!

During my trip I spent most of my time with Tara, Clintons wife...as Clinton had started work already and Tara would start the week that I left. We were able to bond a great deal and we travelled to stay at a resort on the Red Sea. There I was able to go scuba diving. It has been a few years since I last went in Australia, but I HAD too! Unfortunately I was only able to do one dive and one snorkel due to the time between diving and flying back to Cairo. It was great, but I still want to return to do some more diving for sure!! Since I didn't have as much time as I needed to do all I wanted to do, I had to compromise on some things. Next trip I hope to go to Mt. Sinai and climb to the top and stand on the same mountain that Moses Stood on...as well as Jesus!

At night we would spend time, the three of us, just chatting, playing games of watching movies. It was a lot of fun!! It was a great trip also because I hadn't seen my cousin Clinton in 2 years...the longest time we have gone without seeing each other. But catching up is easy, like we haven't been apart for a day! It was nice to see their lives in Cairo.

Though Cairo was lovely, I definitely prefer Nigeria. Cairo just seemed to be very Muslim. And for a Christian, that can be a tough place to be as it effects what foods and drinks you can get, how you dress and how you act as well...and even as a woman, how you may be treated. I found that even though Cairo seemed to be so "Americanized" many of the cab drivers didn't seem to speak that much English and trying to learn Arabic in that small amount of time, was just pointless. But all in all, Cairo was a cool place to visit and I hope to return this year before my cousin and his wife finish their last year there!

SEPTEMBER- September brought rainy season back and school started. My job has continuously been worked on, trying to stabilize the new changes etc. I now work 3 days a week at the school in KETU. and just last week the schedule was set in place of what exact days I would be there. I am there Monday-Wednesday and teach art to Primary 2-6. There are always challenges that come my way as KETU is more of a residential area that is a little on the lower class side. Its a little more crowded and rough and busy. There are daily challenges but I still enjoy teaching the children art...sometimes i feel as though there is so far to go, but at least I hope and pray I am making an impact and planting a seed. I also take part in teacher training at KETU as well. This runs into my work as well with Juyin. Juyin and I have started training teachers at various schools. We did quite a bit at the beginning of the school year but we have come up with more of a clearer outline of the workshops we offer. Things are still in the beginning stages and we are still testing out the waters and all...but I think it will be good. So many schools need so much help and starting with the teachers is the way to go. So we go into schools and run workshops. I work with Juyin on Thursday and Friday and Saturdays if we have a workshop booked on that day. We enjoy working together and have a lot of fun still. 

OCTOBER- Well, since this is still October, I can't write too much as it has not finished. still adjusting to new things and sometimes wish I had a little more stability, but I know it will come soon. I am trying to work on setting up a website and business cards for my photography and have been in "talks" with a close friend of mine about working together on jobs. He does a lot of photo editing and graphics and marketing and design. So we are still in the "talking" stage of that and hope for it to slowly take off. I was sick for a while. Most likely Malaria with some other things attached to it. I was out for a good week! But the Malaria pills seemed to do the trick but it took still a full week before my fever was completely gone. I don't remember the last time I had a high fever like that, no less a fever that lasted that long! 

So there are my short updates for the last 4 months. I am planning to go back home for the Christmas break and spend 3 weeks at home. I am so excited to see my family and friends and how much all of my nieces and nephew have grown...also to welcome my brother Matt and his wife Katie's new addition that should arrive just before I do! I am a little worried about how I will deal with the cold weather and snow...especially since I can't remember for the life of me where I had packed my winter clothes back home. I am really wondering, especially since I can feel cold at times here in Lagos, when the rain comes and the weather drops to a cool 26 degrees Celsius....hhhmmm...how will I handle -25C??? I am already making a list of things to do, people to see, things to buy and bring back, and food to eat!!! haha..

well I guess that is about it. As usual life keeps me on my toes and in many other aspects of my life as well...that i don't share here...but I am slowly learning more and more about myself and growing into a strong and confident woman...day by day...or at least i hope! haha! Till my next entry...Odabo (Yoruba word for goodbye)

Life...still goes on...

Discretion: this entry may be difficult for some people to read...read at your own discretion.

This is a blog entry that I wish I never would have had to write...but life happens the way it does and so I too deal with it this way...

In Nigeria the amount of people is much...and in Lagos there's around 18-20 MILLION people and considering that Lagos is not the hugest city in the world...space is tight. So when you are driving or walking or whatever, there are always a ton of people everywhere. The only time that Lagos seems quiet is at night, but only in certain areas. I live in one of those "quiet areas." and traffic at night is not heavy at all on most roads. Since traffic is not heavy, this allows for free roads for drivers as well as people who cross the road. There are no cross walks anywhere and overhead walkways are only found on a few major roads...so if one wants to cross the road, one has to book it across the road. Since many Nigerians are used to crossing the road, some make close calls and try to cross in small spaces between zooming cars. Crossing the road at night however is easier and supposed to be LESS dangerous. But last week Sunday, this was not the case. 

As I was returning home late on Sunday night, I was in a cab and the road was free. I was about 20 min away from home. We were zooming along a fairly major road and there was just one car ahead of us to our right...not far ahead but maybe 30 feet or so. As we drove a girl (maybe in her 20's) jetted across the road. As she crossed she ran in front of the car ahead of us and had one foot on the curb but seemed to hesitate or something and the car didn't break or swerve as if they hadn't seen her and she was hit. As this was happening I saw it happening and begin shouting "NO NO NO NO!!" but it continued to happen right before my eyes. Her body flew over the car and tumbled onto the road bouncing and rolling. Her limbs were in positions that were un-natural and her body folded and flopped around as if she were a rag doll. Things flew out of her pocket and a shoe flew off. The car that hit her screeched to a stop...but the cab I was in just zoomed on and said "she is dead oh...the girl don die" as if he has seen this thing many times before...I wanted to look back or stop...but i was in too much shock to say anything or to move...I couldn't take my hands from my eyes until I arrived back home...but by then I was sobbing and shaking. 

I am very sad to have shared this experience...and so many thought have been racing thru my mind since I have witnessed this horrific event. It is so sad...but then life continues...as if nothing happened. I can't imagine what the driver went through and is now going through or what the girls family is going through. So many questions keep coming to my mind like; "why didn't she wait to cross, there weren't many cars...if she had waited" or "why did she hesitate?" or "where was she coming from and where was she going?" "why didn't the driver slow down?" or "why was the driver going so fast and driving so close to the curb?" or "did the driver even see her?" I guess I will never really know any of these answers and just pray that all involved will somehow find peace after what has happened.

Life is so short and it can be taken away any moment...it has gotten me thinking about life and the people in my life and what I am doing with my life...and this event has made me feel grateful for my blessings...for family and friends, for God and his Grace and Love, for safety, comfort, food, work, happiness and so on. I am truly blessed with so many things and this event has pushed me to want to continue to work on myself and use my gifts to help others and to be a blessing as well as to praise God. I want to love the people in my life and appreciate them and treat them with love and kindness...and I want to always remember to be thankful for my life...because it truly is a gift and I should cherish that!

In the end...I pray that no one will ever have to see what I saw that night...I pray that no one has to experience what happened either...And in the end, life always goes on even if sometimes the events that shock us or sadden us seem so unbelievable that you even ask yourself if those things really happened, or if they are part of ones imagination....we will still go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning and live our lives because life stops for no one...so we must just keep going...so that is what I am doing...I am walking on.

Death to the rat

I have dealt with the rat..the evil dirty rat that thought that it would be auk to move in with me and share my food and even my bed! Here in Nigeria...rats seem to be a different breed and sometimes are difficult to catch, but luckily this rat was only a baby still. Actually there are advantages and disadvantages of small rats. (Not that there are really any true advantages...but when trying to make a bad situation look better, I looked for advantages.) Here are the advantages vs. disadvantages...compared to a large rat.

Small Rats 

Disadvantages

1. They are too quick to catch

2. They can squeeze into a hole 1/4 the size of their body

3. They aren't detected as quickly

Advantages

1. They don't wreak as many things as big rats

2. They have small poop

3. They don't look quite as disgusting

So I went to the little store near my house and bought some rat gum (gum here refers to glue) and it was just a piece of plastic basically with glue all over it so that when the rat steps onto it, it becomes stuck. The girls selling it were telling me that Naija rats were different and were hoping that this type of rat gum would work and I assured them that I would let them know and thought it would since it was just a baby rat. 

As I got home, I immediately opened the rat gum and set it up behind my garbage. I admit, that I kept checking the rat gum every 10 min or so just to see if I had caught the rat...but no luck. Soon though, I saw something suck on the gum...but it wasn't the rat, it was my little gecko friend who has been in my house since I moved in and it's so tiny that I love seeing it and seeing if I can hold it. I felt terrible..how could I kill my gecko? I picked the gum up and tried to peel the gecko off but it was completely stuck and if I kept pulling I was going to rip its body and limbs apart. 

Being the genius that I am, I poured some liquid soap around its body and limbs and let it sit for a while. After a few minutes I put ran some water over the soap and again tried to peel its body off...and phew...it worked. My friend was so scared that once I had him off he just sat on my hand...his little heart beating furiously and didn't move for a while. I thought that maybe I would keep it...and did for a day in a jar, but I just couldn't keep it in a small prison and released it in my home to roam free. 

So after being bummed that I didn't catch anything I went to bed and was laying there almost asleep when I heard some rustling coming from the kitchen and some high pitched squealing...and I KNEW I had caught the bugger! I crept into the kitchen and sure enough, the rat lay there on the gum and as soon as it saw me...it only tried to get away, but doing that only allowed for its body to become more stuck to the gum. I took a broom and was about to bash it and end its miserable life when it just stopped moving and looked at me..its little heart beating so fast, and gave a little whimper. I just couldn't do it...I actually felt bad for the little creature...so instead I just covered it with an empty container that I was throwing out and walked away hoping it might somehow be dead in the morning. 

It wasn't dead...and as soon as I peeked...it just struggled again. So on my way out to work I took it down to the gate man and walked away as he bashed it to death...but as I left, I didn't feel bad...I felt good that I had my house back!

Now...so that I don't get anymore unwanted guests, I am going to put rat gum in various places around my house...No rat can ever mess with me again...I have come to far for that...so rats...you better beware!!!

My home intruder

Bad memories are flooding my mind as I sit here writing this. I think my heart is still beating at an usually quick pace and i can't seem to relax. Every few seconds I stop to look around my surroundings and to look for any type of movement...but for now I don't see any. I am sitting in my room, on my bed and this is now day 3 of catching glimpses or rather more like close encounters of a very uninvited, hated, disgusting intruder. A baby rat has entered my humble abode and I am now being reminded of last year when I was staying with Jude and the baby rats that would crawl on me while i slept and I would jump awake, heart beating so fast as if it were going to burst out of my chest. The baby rats are small and seem almost like mice...but they are clearly NOT mice if you see them. they have the pointy faces and long tails and have longer bodies that are dark. Some can be so small that you may think it was a big cockroach...but nope, if you've ever had a baby rat crawl on you while you sleep and you wake up...you can clearly feel that it is NOT a cockroach or any type of bug...because you can feel the fur...so they are definitely rats...and they really are not scared like they should be. This is the third time that this rat has come close to me. The first day it ran past me in my parlour and i exclaimed very loudly "AH AH!" which is a very Nigerian expression almost to say "NO!!" or "NO WAY" So I tried to chase it...(I no longer really run away, because now I just want to try and be brave and kill the damn thing!) Then while I was doing the dishes last night, it ran past my feet...literally less than an inch away and I jumped back, feeling as if I was having a heart attack! Then today...the worst one of all..as I was sitting on my bed i see out of the corner of my eye something moving...and towards me...and as I look the rat and I make eye contact and I jump up and it seems to disappear into my dirty clothes pile. So I grab a hanger and pry around picking up each article of clothing with the hook of the hanger and shaking it violently....but nothing was there. I then moved onto my dresser and realized that behind it there is a space which the rat can go underneath the dresser...so I take my flash light and I am shining it and see nothing...then I move the dresser and peak again. My heart stops and the light flashes on the nasty beast and it looks up at me frozen and then darts off. I swear that as I watched it dart off that it entered my purse. (This is the part where I have to sensor...because like a crazy person, I began to shout and threaten and swear at the rat....

AHHH...sorry this must be put in NOW! As I was writing just now I saw the rat try to make a run for it from behind my big dresser and immediately I yelled in fear as my heart again jumped. It has run back to its hiding place...AHHHH!!!...Why am I being tortured!

ok...so back to my story..the rat obviously didn't enter my purse and I am sure you can all imagine me trying to pick up my purse to shake it out and holding it far from my body while standing on my tip toes...ready to jump or run at any moment...and I am sure I look like a fool...but who wouldn't! I went to my neighbours and since the places that sell these rat gums are closed (it is like a rat trap that they get stuck to...the bottom is like glue and they die there) they came and we all were banging things around and trying to find and destroy this intruder. But since these rats are small and quick and can somehow squeeze there body thru a space the size of a penny or less...they hide so well. Even now, I don't know how it is hiding behind my big dresser as there is no space underneath it unless it can squeeze between the carpet and the wood! So now here I am...and until this thing leaves my room...I won't sleep well...so i am going to again...scatter my room to find this rat and if i get it cornered...I am going to kill it and bash it until i know I've gotten my revenge!!! stay tuned!!!

Fuel Scarcity

This last month in Lagos has been a little crazy for everyone.  For some reason there is a fuel scarcity...meaning that only a certain amount of petrol is available to the public...or rather only a certain amount of petrol is being sold in a day and the rest is being held. Since here in Nigeria, power is not a consistent or constant thing...and even available to some, generators are commonly used everywhere. When I say everywhere, I mean everywhere. If you have a small business you use a generator (ex: places on the side of the road that sell food/beverages that may need to stay cool, or a business where they fix tires or shoes or metal works etc. (anything that may need to be plugged in basically) and small gens are used to power all of these things when there is no light/NEPA and most of these run on petrol. Some generators, like my own and big big ones, usually run on diesel, so I am lucky that way in the sense of not having to have someone queue for my petrol or have none at all. But this fuel thing is affecting everyone. I am not even quite sure what exactly it is about, but what I hear on the news is that there are pricing issues between the government and the oil companies, so fuel is being rationed each day. No one really knows the real reasons as one day you hear that there won't be scarcities, and then the next day they say there will be scarcity of fuel for another 2 weeks....so no one knows when it will end. It affects our school in the sense of not being able to have light some days if the bus drivers don't get fuel that day. (The drivers usually go and pick all the busing kids up, come to school and go straight to queue for fuel and some days don't come back until its close to closing time for the day) It affects my job because on Tuesdays and Thursdays I am supposed to go and teach art at the other Abbey school branch in KETU (Ketu is the area) but for the last month I have only been able to come a few times, and sometimes i have come late due to waiting until we get fuel to drive there. If there is no fuel at the KETU branch, I can't really go either because I don't have a ride back. So in the end, it really is messing up the lessons that I wanted to get done and now I am having to change things. Hopefully soon, this will end...but all I have to say is, with some things in life...we just take it for granted and you don't realize how blessed we are sometimes until something that may seem little and unsubstantial in everyday life, is taken away or made scarce...that's when you really know how much we rely on some things more than we think! Just some thoughts for everyone to take a minute to think about all the little things in life we are used to...and to appreciate that we can obtain those easily most of the time. Well, until next time...i am out!